So, We're Pregnant!

Hi Nugget,

You're not a fully formed baby yet, lacking the size and physical features necessary to live outside of the womb. But that doesn't mean you can't hear me type to you on blogger. At least that's what our doula said, if I'm not mistaken. Or maybe it was our shaman? It's hard to remember which of our completely unnecessary, and expensive, fertility coaches said that. But it's probably true so don't fact check me.

You see, we've spent a lot of time and money getting you to this point and, to be quite honest, you could have been a girl as easily as you became a boy. Don't make me get into the medical nature of how a penis forms instead of a vagina but best believe it involves the position we "did it" (medical term) in as well as the magical mix of DNA that both your mother and I bring to the table. For the record, I had everything to do with your good things and chances are reasonable that any of your future bad qualities are a result of your mom's avoidance of meat during your pregnancy. Well, she welcomed one type of meat but until you're 16 or so I refuse to discuss it with you. Even then you're going to regret asking.

The truth is that I'm very excited you're a boy AND it's worth noting that your mom is actually smarter than I am. But please don't tell her I admitted that. Also don't tell her that sometimes when I'm in the car I pretend it's 2am, you're up crying, and it's my turn to calm you down and get you back to sleep. I definitely don't (read: DO) plan on freestyle rapping you back to bed. I even figured out what I'm going to call it.

Sleepstyle Freestyle.

As in, "Awwww, you know what time it is! It's Sleepstyle Freestyle time! It's 2am and you won't stop crying, your daddy's wicked tired and you know he be dying, for slumber, and if we lived down under I'd pass you a Fosters and hope that it helped with, your slumber, it's bedtime, and you should shut up, start sleeping, and apologize for all that you're keeping..."

Listen, it's a work in progress. As much as I love rap it has become exceedingly clear that I'm a terrible rapper and an even worse freestyle rapper. But I think it'll help entertain your old man while he's pulling diaper and scream duty during the middle of the night. So take it in stride and don't forget that no matter how bad things get I am always willing to embarass myself for you.

Ok, I think I've covered everything I wanted to cover. But do keep in mind that I reserve the right to write more, delete what I've written, and hide behind an IP address if this gets too embarassing.

Can't wait to meet you!

~ Your Dad