Ghosts

Hey Archer,

Let's start by me telling you that I don't believe in ghosts. This is a post about ghosts, after all. But I'm not entirely convinced that you don't believe. Every morning at breakfast you will randomly turn around and wave at the window.

(Exhibit A)

Now, it could be that you're giving a shout out to the neighbor's dogs. They leave them outside at all hours and they bark at everything. You know they're there and you do like dogs. But you also know the sound dogs make and will repeat it if you hear it. That usually isn't happening during breakfast when you like to give your wave.

It could be that you're having egg-induced hallucinations. You've moved up to 3-egg veggie omelettes for breakfast. With your typical five servings of fruit, of course. But sometimes we don't feed you eggs in the morning. And my research has indicated that egg-induced hallucinations don't last for 24 hours. They also almost always feature a seductive humpty dumpty, but maybe that part comes with age and/or exposure to the dark web.

So if it isn't the eggs and it isn't the dogs, what the hell is it?

Let me suggest the scariest of possibilities...

You're waving at the real live person you have occasionally seen staring in our window.

Now, I can't imagine this is actually happening. Our "yard" is a collection of weeds so intense that nobody is getting back to that window without two sprained ankles and a machete. The fence gate is tall and warped from age so getting to the latch on the back is not easily executed if you're under 6'3". Our large dog barks at everything that walks by on the road. If someone walked up on the porch or into the backyard unannounced I have to imagine she'd crash through the window like the Kool-Aid Man to protect the house. Or maybe just to get pets. Shit, she'd probably just lay down on her back for pets. Damn.

No, this has to be either ghosts or some sort of new dance move. It's no dumber than the whip or the nay nay (not sure how to spell it and I'm definitely not googling it). I'm sure you could get any one of today's terrible rappers to "write" you a 6-word repetitive "song" to go along with your new move. I'm sure Soulja Boy would be pumped to quit bagging groceries for the opportunity. I'll reach out to his people.

Before I go, a little advice..

You seem to really be taking to basketball. Your uncle Mike got you that hoop for your first birthday and lately it's been your favorite. At the park you are enthralled by the basketball players. Basketball on tv the other day at the restaurant almost blew your mind. So if this is going to be a thing you have to start early on your entourage. You need at least 3 guys. One to whisper your needs to when out in public. Never say things like "Yo dawg, I could go for a latte" out loud. Whisper that shit. Another guy is your very own Flava Flav. He hovers around you like a Beastie Boy, bouncing in and out of the picture to tell anyone nearby that you're "in tha house". He'll need to accentuate your statements with comments like "yeah boyeeeee". He'll definitely be wearing a track suit. The third guy never says a word, he just looks tough. He isn't even security but nobody knows that. Line these guys up and you're well on your way to superstardom. We'll just have to keep working on your dunks. I desperately want you to yell "WHITE CHOCOLATE" or "RAINDROPS" every time you dunk or shoot but so far you just sorta scream in excitement. We'll get there.