Dinner Plans

Hey Archer,

I know it's going to be a long time until you find yourself in the situation I found myself tonight, but I wanted to get it down on your blog before I forget. Tonight I am on the road and in Athens Georgia. It's a place I had big plans for. I wanted to walk around and try some local beers, see what the city has to offer, and give it the ol' college try as I've never been here before. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I got in a little later than I thought and ended up in the hotel bar.

In a perfect world you'll always do the right thing, eat in the best restaurant, and maximize your time.

(Quick side note: I'm in my hotel room and typing this as Shark Tank is on. The latest inventor introduced himself as a "dadtrepeneur" and I already hate him. It turns out his idea is stupid and now I feel vindicated for those feelings.)

But in an imperfect world sometimes you do the wrong thing, or a thing that deviates from the original plan that on paper seems disappointing. Tonight I gave in to the laziness of a late arrival in Athens but in return I had a wonderful experience. In a way, I feel a little bit like I was meant to be in the hotel bar to meet Julie and Earl.

(Also, just so you're prepared, I don't mean for this to be a bummer of a post but it may seem like that at times.)

It started with a free drink and appetizer offer thanks to my super duper double secret elite status with IHG. Once in the bar, taking advantage of the offer, I overheard a couple talking about the Big Ten Conference and their hatred of Ohio State University. Being a Big Ten alum in agreement with that sentiment I piped up and we were off and running.

Their oldest son is my age. Soccer was a huge part of their lives, as was mine. They've lived in some of the same places I've lived. Lots of parallels. That oldest son and his wife have been trying for five years to have a child and they're finally pregnant. Major parallel.

In a cruel twist, their oldest son also has been diagnosed with incurable brain cancer.

Life can throw you some pretty rotten fucking lemons. It's really hard to make lemonade from rotten lemons and I can only imagine how hard it is to even talk about rotten lemonade with people. As it turns out, I have a soft spot in my heart for people dealing with cancer. I also have a Flying Spaghetti Monster-given talent for engaging strangers and finding common ground.

I didn't have any advice for this 70yo couple that they wouldn't have already heard. But I did have a kind ear and the occasional commiserating story to make them laugh. It was pretty clear that they've had a really tough go of things and when the story unfolded to include both Earl and the grand-dog recently getting diagnosed with cancer I wasn't going anywhere. Dinner at the bar for your dad.

There isn't a way I can adequately explain how impressively positive and loving this couple was. Yes, we talked about cancer and how much it sucks. But we also talked about raising children, the importance of good childhood sports experiences, and even Lady Gaga. Through all of it they had this palpable energy associated with their stories that I found amazingly impressive in the face of their struggles. It was like they couldn't get out their stories fast enough, their eyes lighting up as they realized partway through one story that it reminded them of another.

Through all of it I couldn't stop thinking about how unlucky they've been but also how lucky they've been. They seemed to have developed a really fantastic grasp on living life to its fullest, enjoying everything, and making decisions based on compassion and common sense.

As a very new father I can honestly tell you that it isn't always easy to have that mindset. I think daily about devastating problems that could occur while raising you. What if I lose my job and can't quickly find another? What if I get sick, or your mom gets sick? What if you get sick?

It's the scariest stuff I've ever had to consider and nothing has even happened yet. For some people, probably a lot of people, it isn't just a fear but a reality. I hope your mom and I can raise you with the tools to persevere in the types of situations Julie, Earl, and many others have found themselves in but also the compassion to lend an ear when someone else needs one.

I gotta run, but before I go...a little advice...

Don't create a blog and be all fun and happy all the time and then randomly drop a sad post in the middle of it all. Your tens of readers might get bummed out.

~ Your Dad