Time Change

Hey Archer,

Right now you're sleeping upstairs with mama. Your morning routine has been frustrating, but consistent. You wake up at 5:30 every morning, almost on the dot, and fuss until one of us comes to get you. Once we bring you into bed you'll hunker down on mama's milkers, on and off, for around an hour which more than doubles daddy's lifetime best of 27 minutes. Thankfully you usually sleep through the night until this happens, lightening up on the parental requirements that once saw us (mama) getting up every hour or two to feed or soothe you.

But, like anything else we think we have figured out it all goes to shit at some point.

We fell back an hour recently, and now you magically wake up at 4:30 every day! I've never been one to care about the time changes, though many people argue that they're dumb and they probably aren't wrong. But I care now. Once you're up, I'm usually up. Mama falls back to sleep like a champ in the mornings but once my brain starts churning I'm awake. Stupid songs are to be stuck in my head, work things must be considered from all angles, and embarrassing dreams are to be compartmentalized and locked away, never to be thought of again.

It's tough work and it keeps me awake.

Which gives me some time to write this list of my ten favorite things you're currently doing!

1. You find it hilarious to fast-crawl away from us toward the kitchen. When we give chase and say "Where are you going?" or "I'm gonna get you!" it makes you start giggling in the most adorable way. This has been going on for months.
2. You love mimicking us and making us laugh. So far you mimic sounds, clapping, snapping, dancing, and sometimes you'll do what we call "strong man". This is when you raise clenched fists and yell.
3. You can climb stairs like nobody's business. Smooth as silk, but dangerous as all get out. I've built you a baby gate already and just need to get it stained and installed.
4. You continue to love being upside down. I've been playing crane game with you as the crane and your toys as the prizes. You're hit rate is nearing 50%.
5. The look on your face when you shake your head no is indescribable and adorable. If wielded correctly later in life this will likely convince your mama to give you whatever you want.
6. Your babble is finally containing the typical "ba-ba-ba-ba" type sounds but you still sound like you're trying to bypass single words for phrases. Elephant would be your first word right now if you could just figure out how to say it. It's not for lack of trying though, as you've fallen in love with the odd (Indian?) string of alternating bells and elephants hanging in your room.
7. When we chill in bed for a few minutes before getting up you sometimes spaz out and literally launch yourself at mama's milkers for a good old fashioned motorboating. Video evidence of this would be inappropes.
8. When you're getting close to finishing dinner you'll start leaning your head down on your tray (we serve dinner prison style) in this super cute contented way, staring up at us with pure love.
9. Peek-a-Boo still astounds you and a boop on the nose almost always stops the crying in favor of giggles. Even better, when I use my dad's patented technique (bobbing and weaving my finger while repeating "Where's he gonna go? Where's he gonna go?") you do it back and it maybe brings me all of the joys.
10. You love facetiming with me when I'm on the road. You try to grab the camera and give it kisses. I thank the flying spaghetti monster that we live in a time where we can do this because I can't imagine what it would be like traveling this much without the ability to see you in real time.

OK, I have to get moving. But before I go, a bit of advice...

Get comfortable taking yoga classes and shopping at Whole Foods. These are the two places I wish I would have spent more time as a young single guy with a hump switch permanently stuck in the "on" position. Unless of course you end up liking dudes. Although, no, you'd still want to go because I'd assume you'd be of the fit and fabulous variety. Yoga will keep you *shudder* flexible, and probably make you lots of bff's. And Whole Foods will keep your fridge stocked with fake milks. Those are the three most important things for gay men according to my limited (read: none) research. Hell, that can't be right. It's probably not even close to true for any gay men. I'm sure the same thoughts go through any man's mind, regardless of who they want to bone. Things like giddy excitement over eating some terrible but fondly remembered candy from your childhood, like circus peanuts or wax lips. But, as a future fyi, let me just end this by saying Fun Dip holds up extremely well.