Hey Nugget,
Just your dad here, picking up where I left off on the subject of how you came to be. It's apparently a very long, multi-post story. But what are you going to do about it? You're stuck in a womb with nowhere to go and nothing to do besides grow (nostrils!) and read this blog.
(On a quick side note, it was exciting to see you on the 3D ultrasound a few days ago. While you were tired and adamant about blocking our view, we were able to confirm that you're a boy, that you take after your old man, and that, thankfully, you have exactly two nostrils. We're very proud of you already, Nugget. Nicely done.)
If you recall part 1 and part 2 you'll know that we're at the point of medical intervention by the Queen City's finest womb whisperer. While we weren't desperate, it was becoming clear we needed help.
OK, we were getting a little desperate.
IVF is expensive and we were getting old. More often than not, people don't have insurance that covers fertility treatments. We were very lucky to have a plan that did cover an amount of fertility treatments that roughly equated to one round of IVF. But that doesn't cover everything.
First you have to meet your deductible. For both of you. That alone could be close to a thousand dollars. Next you have to start getting tested, and hey guess what?! Some tests aren't billable.
So now you've paid for your deductible AND for some additional tests that make sure, to use boner pill commercials as an example, both the hanging tire swing and the football to throw through it are in good working order.
Even after 40 years on this earth, both of us tested well within the sweet spot for how well an outy and an inny should work during prime babymaking years. Don't worry, you'll likely inherit those impressive genes along with some of the other truly fantastic attributes your mama and I have. That's how it works. We take a little of me and a little of your mama, mix in a little magic dust from whichever god the parents worship, (in your case the Flying Spaghetti Monster) and next thing you know you're shooting out into this world resembling us and exhibiting a deep respect for grana padano. It's science.
With IVF you go the standard route or spend extra to take things a step further, hopefully ensuring a greater chance at a successful pregnancy. The problem is sometimes that extra step, genetically testing each embryo, is expensive and may or may not be billable to your insurance that you probably don't have. We were lucky in that our insurance coverage would reimburse for that test, but the problem is you still have to pay up front for it. By the time you get the receipt and submit your claim you may already be out of the original insurance benefit. But that's not all.
Your insurance may cover fertility but it's not going to be 100% of whatever they do along the way. You're going to be nickel and dimed to death along the way. Then, something like this could happen:
You're told the genetic test will cost around $2500 to $3,000 because they give you a base cost for testing up to 8 embryos. After the 8, assuming you have more to test, they will charge you $250 per embryo for any sample over the original 8. So when 21 eggs are retrieved and 17 are fertilized properly, you're going to start panicking because sending an extra 9 embryos to get tested is going to cost an extra $2,250. Of course that's if they all grow in the lab properly for the next 5 days, but if you have shitty luck like I do you figure you're definitely going to be on the hook for close to 4k.
Because they don't bill your insurance for you they require a credit card for whatever it is they'll need to charge you. I'd just gotten a job again after a year of unemployment, which meant we had income but hardly anything in the bank. Plus every credit card was maxed. I needed to take what we had and pay down a credit card by 4k so I could count on having that money available and dedicated to making sure we could pay for these tests.
So I chose a card, one that I always liked better than the others for no real reason I could verbalize, and made a payment for 4k. The next morning I was headed to visit my dad for our annual member-guest golf tournament. A great time with lots of golf and quality father son time. On the drive to his place my phone dinged with an email. At the next stop for gas I checked it and found this:
"There was a recent review of your account and credit information. As a result, we have revised the credit limit to $3,050. This decision was based on the information obtained from a consumer reporting agency."
So basically, after paying down my maxed out 7k credit card by 4k they just took the money and immediately lowered my limit to roughly $75 over my remaining balance. The 4K for the test was gone.
And with that I should probably stop. I'm getting the black rage all over again and you need to go to sleep. Grow those limbs, practice breathing, and get mentally prepared for entering the world in the year 2016. A time of civil unrest, proudly uneducated citizens, but yet, far less Justin Bieber than a mere 12 months ago. I feel like we're trending in a good direction and I can't wait to guide you through it all.
So have a great night and keep this advice in mind:
People may be horrible, and often are, but they're always entitled to their wrong opinions. Mock them once they leave, never while they're there. That way, if you have to ever see them again in a social situation, they have no idea how stupid you think they are.
~ Your Dad
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